Stupid Man Tricks Revisited

Yesterday, Adam and I finally decided that our Christmas decorations had been up 2 weeks too many. Tree and all. Pathetic - I know! Part of the reason they have been left up is because our attic has not been officially cleaned out in 8 1/2 years. Why - that is exactly how long we have been married - what a coincidence!

Anyway, it was a mess up there and the closet to get to the attic was not much better. It's one of those things you know you need to do, but keep putting off until it gets so bad the Christmas decorations are left up half way through January. I would have taken pictures but then I thought, I don't go snooping into other people's closets and attics, I'll keep my mess to myself. It's not a mess anymore because Adam and I (OK mostly Adam) spent yesterday cleaning it out. I did get to throw the junk out the window, though.

When Adam was up there he came across some of the things he brought home from Hawaii. (He went to school there for a year) Among them was a can of Spam. A 12 year old can of Spam. He come down from the attic holding it and asked if I ever had any. Um...yeah - who hasn't tried Spam? Apparently, Adam. He lived in Hawaii for a year - where it reigns supreme - in case you didn't know. He has had a can for 12 years - even brought it to our house 8 1/2 years ago to store in our attic, but has never even tried the stuff. Is it any good? He then asks. Um... no... and probably not after 12 years. So he wipes the dust and dirt and dead bugs of the top of the can; then he opens the can and takes a bite.



As I sit there and try to contemplate what just happened and the speed with which it happened, I realize Adam is now on the phone. He actually called the spam hot line listed on the back of the can. After an automated voice saying the call may be monitored, a woman actually answered with "Spam hot line, this is Kathy, how can I help you?" Here is how the rest of the phone call went down:

Adam - "Um... yeah... I have a question about the shelf life of a can of spam."

Kathy - "OK, what is your question Sir?"

Adam - "How long does a can of spam last, what is the shelf life?"

Kathy - "Oh, spam doesn't go bad Sir"

Adam - "Oh, good. So your saying a can of spam will be fine to eat after sitting unopened say... 12 years?"

Kathy - "........ Um well... the flavor will be .... compromised... but the ... the spam should still be good."

Adam - "I see so it's an issue of flavor and the actual meat wouldn't be compromised?"

Kathy - "Well, we don't usually recommend letting it sit unopened for more than 3-5 years because then you run into flavor issues and the spam won't taste as flavorful. We suggest eating it in at least 3-5 years"

Adam - "OK, I see. But if I did eat it some that had been in, say, an attic for 12 years, I wouldn't get sick off of it?"

Kathy - "Oh.....um...no...uh, again the issue is just with the flavor -

Adam - "So your saying the Spam is fine?"

Kathy - "Yes, but it does lose it's flavor after 3-5 years. Is there anything else I can do for you today Sir?"

Adam - "No, that is all. Thanks so much, Kathy, you've been a big help."

Kathy - "OK, thanks for your call." - CLICK.

I wish Adam had recorded the conversation himself so I could post it. It was the funniest thing in the world. Poor Kathy, she couldn't wait to get off the phone! I'm not sure if she thought Adam was serious or not. I still wonder what was going through her head and if she thought it was some sort of prank. Nope, it was just my husband and one of his stupid man tricks - that made my stomach hurt from laughing so hard.



So, what's been hiding in your attic?